Collaborative post:
Ask any adult what they wish they had learned earlier, and the answer is rarely a subject on a timetable. It tends to be something quieter: the nerve to speak up, the appetite to keep asking questions, the habit of trying again after things go wrong. These growth skills are not fixed at birth, and they are not taught in a single lesson. They are built, gradually, through everyday moments at home and at school.
The good news for parents is that you do not need a grand plan. You need a handful of practical habits, applied consistently. Here is a step-by-step way to help confidence, curiosity and persistence take root.
Step one: name the skill, not just the outcome
Children hear plenty of praise for results. A neater way to build character is to praise the process. Instead of “well done for getting it right”, try “I noticed you kept going even when it got tricky”. This tells a child that the effort itself is what counts, which is exactly the message that makes them willing to try harder things next time. Over weeks, this small shift in language does more than any pep talk.
Step two: let small challenges stand
The instinct to smooth every bump is understandable, but confidence grows from managing difficulty, not from avoiding it. When a child struggles with a zip, a spelling or a fallout with a friend, pause before stepping in. Offer a prompt rather than a rescue: “What could you try first?” A child who solves a small problem unaided carries that memory into the next one.
Step three: feed curiosity with questions, not answers
Curiosity fades when every question is met with a quick fact. Keep it alive by turning the question back: “That’s interesting, where do you think we could find out?” Trips to the library, a walk that turns into a scavenger hunt, or simply following a child’s odd tangent about volcanoes for twenty minutes all signal that wondering is worthwhile. The aim is not to know everything, but to enjoy not knowing yet.
Step four: normalise mistakes at home
Persistence depends on how failure feels. If mistakes are treated as evidence of a problem, children learn to hide them. If they are treated as information, children learn to use them. Talk openly about your own slip-ups and what you did next. A household where “that didn’t work, so I changed my approach” is a normal sentence raises children who bounce rather than break.
Step five: choose an environment that reinforces the message
Home sets the foundation, but children spend much of their week elsewhere, and the culture of a school matters enormously. Look for a setting where staff know each child well enough to stretch them at the right moment, and where effort and character are recognised alongside grades. Schools that build these growth skills deliberately, such as a school that develops confidence, curiosity and persistence in every pupil, tend to weave them through sport, the arts and pastoral life rather than leaving them to chance.
Step six: give it time, and notice the change
None of this delivers overnight. Growth skills reveal themselves in quiet ways: a child who volunteers an answer they once would have swallowed, or who returns to a difficult puzzle without being asked. Keep watching for these moments and mention them. What gets noticed gets repeated.
Confidence, curiosity and persistence are not extras layered on top of an education. They are the qualities that decide what a child does with everything else they learn. Build them steadily, at home and in a school that shares the goal, and you give a child something far more durable than a set of results.
You can find out more at https://newhallschool.co.uk.
—
*This article was contributed by the team at New Hall School, an independent co-educational day and boarding school in Essex for pupils aged 1 to 18. New Hall School combines high academic standards with a strong pastoral tradition, supporting each child to grow in confidence, curiosity and character.*
Sarah x
